No Stress, Just Success

The day finally came for me to spend the 10 days in Miami for research & audition purposes. I had planned to arrive 2 days before the audition day, and remain for the week after, should I progress to the Boot Camp round of the audition process. When I was leaving Charlotte, Zin took me to the airport and once noticing the apprehension & nervousness in my face before kissing me goodbye, he looked at me and said, "No stress, just success?" Which I repeated with confirmation, "no stress, just success."



However, that day of traveling had events of it's own that created little stresses here and there, like the kicking & crying toddlers behind me, and my absentmindedness causing me to rush out of a stinky bathroom without my very expensive, very gorgeous head shots required for auditions. I somehow managed to remain very calm and stress-free for the most part.



Auditioning for the Miami Heat is an experience that I would recommend to all of my past teammates and dancer friends. Nearly 400 girls were in attendance and the energy was at an unknown high the minute you arrived at the American Airlines Arena. The outfits were outrageous, the talent was tantamount to watching the So You Think You Can Dance audition episodes... just with more of a hip hop and Latin flavor. I felt comfortable yet excited and eager to begin.


So we did. They began with a video montage of the prior year's squad, then immediately into a freestyle cut. Then we learned a hip hop routine taught by the Heat's director, and a Jazz routine taught by prior MHD member and So You Think You Can Dance finalist, Susie.



I've never struggled with learning choreography and I didn't struggle with it at the Heat audition. I did feel slightly overwhelmed however, by the amount of talent surrounding me that the old stand next to someone worse than you rule, couldn't come into play. At all. I did my best, I danced hard but didn't advance into the next round.



Surprisingly, I was fine with it and was uber proud that I made it past one round! I had spent so much energy considering the possibility of not making the team and worrying about what it would do to my ego, that it never crossed my mind that I could be okay. And I was. Some of that in part has to do with a conversation I had with Zin actually, when he painted a different variation of the process to me & reminded me that I'm no less of a dancer for not making this squad. Especially after having been out of the game for 2 years now.



Truth.

The rest of my remaining days in Miami was focused on job follow-ups and spending time with family and friends and I have to be honest... a lot of self-realization occurred.

I realized that my lack of closure with my hometown may have already been reconciled, unbeknownst to me. I love Miami -I always will- but that joie de vivre I referenced wasn't there this time around. I learned throughout the week that I might have been holding on to what it used to be, not what it had become: an empty box of old memories.

Not all of my family still lives there... my childhood best friend has a life (and a lifestyle) of her own now... the life dynamic has changed... things are different overall. I wondered, is this where I want to be?

Turning 30 is a bitch. It definitely does something to the psyche whether you admit to it or not. I do believe however that we as a society tend to put these deadlines on ourselves & associate them with age, which is unfair as every person's lives and goals differ. But you just can't help thinking about what you may want for yourself when 30 comes around. At least, that's my explanation.

So I have some serious pontification ahead but hey - "no stress, just success."I stand now in limbo of whether or not a plan to relocate to the Sunshine State is what's best for me... or if it's what I truly desire anymore. And that's okay. Perhaps I've ripped out that chapter and am beginning to write a newly revised one for myself now...