A slight turn for the...better?

I forgot to wear earrings today.

As an adolescent, I quickly decided never to leave the house without my rings, earrings or lipstick and to this day, I never typically do. If for some reason I rush out of the house without any of the aforementioned, I am probably seriously late or stressed out to the point of mind fogginess. Last night I had a conversation I didn't want to have... this morning I forget to put on earrings before leaving the house.


Mind fogginess.


The conversation I had last night was necessary. I needed to have it, if only to give my mind a nap from all the recent analyzing & hovering curiosity.


I met someone worth meeting. Yes, we've all said that before but this one is something different. This one & I (please excuse the cliché)... we clicked. On paper, he is everything I would even list categorically. In reality, he is everything I would have conjured up for myself. Needless to say, this time we spent together has been "a God-send" truly. I don't regret any of it, I wouldn't change any of it.



However I would have considered that certain something in your past that was still quite present in your life, so that last night's conversation wouldn't have had to have taken place.



I would have considered having a lighter conversation about it earlier on... when things between us were still somewhat "light and fluffy."



So now that feelings are invested, I'm left a little... Topsy turvy.


Am I supposed to now pretend that you don't exist so that your past memories with her don't exist?


Am I supposed to now pretend that I don't miss you and that it's hurting me inside to not say "hi"? Just the lack of a simple "hi" hurts?


All in the name of being "older and wiser". This is definitely a blog of clichés and I apologize for that, but I can't find the words right now. I couldn't find the words last night. I'm a writer so I do hope the words find their way back home to me soon or my Editor is going to be livid. I just... I can't... I... I mean...[sigh]...don't know.



What I do know is that this necessary conversation of ours was indeed imminent. It can only make things better in the long run. Should there even be a 'long run.' Lord I hope there's a 'long run.'


So as unhappy as I/we may be, I tip my hat off to last night's conversation. I've learned so much about myself over the past year, I have all confidence that I'm approaching 30 a new woman. I doubt I would have had last night's conversation a year or two ago actually... I would have ignored all considerations and "enjoyed the moment," but been living in the club every weekend. Not always the healthiest decision. Don't think I've ever been so proud of making myself so unhappy.



So here's to 30... and to remembering my earrings tomorrow.