The End of a Relationship pt.II

I can't believe November is here! It's almost a new year & with the pending arrival of 2011, reflection always floats around in my mind sporadically.

I was on Facebook the other day & though I don't always pay attention to the News Feed, I noticed one from a "friend" who posted a video of her son. I watched the video mainly because I haven't seen him in a while. Well in the background was another child, a baby girl, in one of those bouncy chairs. "She gave birth already??" I thought. And not because she didn't tell me, but because he didn't tell me.

I'm not going to name him on this post & because I don't have a nickname for him, he really should remain nameless. But we'll call him...Steve.

Steve & I used to be very close for 11 years. He was there for me through many heartaches & I for him. He was sort of like that friend you can be blunt with, call him an asshole (& mean it) but still talk the  next day like nothing happened. Or if we hadn't spoken in a few months, speaking again was never difficult because we simply picked up where we left off.

Despite how things ended last year, having seen the Facebook feed, I sent him an email to congratulate him on the birth of his daughter & wished him well. He responded indicating that she had been born months ago & wished me the same. Ouch.

Although I can honestly state that I did nothing to cause the demise of our relationship, it still hurts me to my core. The fact that Steve and I are purposely drifting apart, breaks my heart. Very much like my relationship with my sister.

I'm constantly -mentally- battling with these two people which is a huge stressor to add to my brain, on top of already having to battle with my habitual issues of resentment towards my father. But between Steve & my sister, I feel like I'm repetitively torn between doing "the right thing" and standing my ground (some call it being stubborn, I prefer to say 'standing my ground', wink wink). I can't count how many times I pick up my phone, prepared to call & deliver my opening line or two, but only to put the phone back in my purse. I guess I truly thought that we'd all be over it by now; perhaps the scar is deeper than I believe it should be. To me, life is greater than petty arguments & text-messaged misunderstandings. The fact that 2011 is almost here & we've spent 2010 not speaking...really, really hurts my heart. The fact that 2011 is almost here & it seems like nothing between us will get better next year, well... there are no words to describe how that realization makes me feel. Looks like I just need to accept that this is truly the end of our relationships, or at least accept it's the end of how they used to be.
Control + alt + delete.