Life off the court...

Recently, I had a couple interesting conversations with an old friend. This old friend of mine isn't "old" per se, just someone I was close to at one point, then we lost touch but we've now since reconnected. This friend of mine used to play professional basketball in the NBA but fell victim to an injury & hasn't played for a couple years since then. Since he fell off the radar, I continued dancing in the NBA until that fateful day in 2008 where my services were no longer needed.

After my 4 year tenure, I went through many stages of grief. Disillusionment. Disbelief. Hurt. Lost. Confused. Dismembered, as if I were torn apart. I didn't want to eat, but couldn't stop eating. I didn't want people to see me, but couldn't stay at home. I yearned for silence but hated every minute of it. My boyfriend at the time did the best he could to understand my situation, but the truth of the matter is...no one really gets what it feels like! There are few that actually can empathize with being a part of a team, then all of a sudden, having that family torn from you. It was a "family". I saw those girls more than I saw my mother, even when I was still living WITH my mother. I spent Thanksgivings & New Year's with those girls...they become your family. And unless one is READY and WANTING to break apart from it all, to leave unexpectedly can truly leave a painful mark on your heart. It does something to you.

Because what happens is, you went from years of wanting free time, to not knowing what the hell to do with all this newfound free time! You go from having your weekends booked solid from July-April, to not having a damn thing to do, and you feel restless. Invalid. Pointless. You want nothing more than to spend time with your family, but...your family is on the court! You start to question what your life is bringing to the table, and why is it that you're not 'living'. Are you living? So many unanswered questions and the worst part is that no one can answer it for you. No one understands the question but yourself.

When the ex-NBA player & I caught up, I found it fascinating to discover that we had similar views on life off the basketball court. He spoke about how things became political for him, which, I think politics had something to do with my situation as well. He spoke about the various offers he still got once he left, but that he didn't entertain them. It seemed to be an all or nothing attitude, I heard. Perhaps they offered him a spot on a developmental league of which he may've felt overqualified for...I don't know. He didn't say. We both did agree that people don't realize what an adjustment it is, adjusting to 'real life' after the NBA. When you're in the NBA, people talk to you differently (yes, even if you're just a dancer), people treat you like you're special in some aspects, you meet a lot of "known" people, your face is recognizable. When you're no longer affiliated with it, people aren't sure how to react sometimes. And it's always written all over their faces, the awkwardness. For me, those faces usually come from the newbies, who aren't sure how to approach me. My comparison would be like when you're meeting the inlaws for the 1st time...a slight awkwardness is there because they're unfamiliar even though you're all family. So you hug anyway.

I'm looking forward to continuing this conversation with the ex-NBA player; I'd like to pick his brain a little more to see if it's still a familial atmosphere for him & his past teammates. For me, it most certainly is! Seeing the girls I spent 4 years of my life with is always a joyous moment. We're in each other's weddings. We're at each other's baby showers. We're a family. It's just the life after the family divorces,that really takes some getting used to...and I'm hoping I'll adjust any day now.