Testing

I'm writing this from my cell phone in an airport that's not my own
but I've slept, eaten, & even done my hair here because I've been here
all morning. This was only supposed to be a test to see if writing a
blog from my cell would work, then I thought...damn right this is a
test!

Im experiencing a test of patience! This is the 2nd time I've tried to
visit my siblings & nieces to no avail. The last occasion I sat in an
airport all afternoon into the evening. Today, I caught a 6:25 AM
flight to a city that I could possibly be stuck in. Seemingly, I'm not
going anywhere anytime soon. I was angry earlier but now it's comical.
As I sit here at my gate, I find myself trying to find a deeper
meaning: would something happen to me if I caught those earlier
flights? Am I meant to catch a later flight because something is
SUPPOSED to happen to me?? Probably not but I think the point is...I'm
being tested. Far too many times I take situations & believe I control
the outcome. Maybe this is God's way of saying "chill out. Have
patience. You'll get there when you're SUPPOSED to get there. You
don't control every situation so what are you upset about? Let it be. "

I'm learning patience at 28. Nice.

*Monique*

Sent from my iPhone

A new face, a new smile

One of the joys of being at the end of the soul train line (i.e. my 20s), is meeting the new influx of friends. We all have our High School BFFs and our college BFFs. But it is some of our "real world" BFFs that tend to undergo a facelift as we get older. The ones that didn't skip algebra class in middle school with you. The ones that weren't at your college stepshows with you. Like I said it's a joy but can also be terrifying! People come and go, especially as we age for some get families, some relocate...simply put: life just happens!
I've seen a new face. Potentially a face I had met years ago but only now have gotten to know. This new smile makes me smile, everyday in fact! It's nervewracking actually because I'm not sure if this new face is here to stay or just temporarily passing through. I'm not certain how long this new smile will light up my smile. I hope it lasts longer than those i met in my early 20s; perhaps it will last as long as my relationships with my closest High School friends? Who knows, but what I do know is that i'm enjoying peering slowly around the corner at my future, not entirely sure what I'll see. This new face makes me feel optimistic.

The Call

I just got a phone call from somebody that I used to have extreme feelings for, feelings that allowed me to lower my standards. No I'm not saying that this guy was beneath me, on the contrary, however every woman has a 'list of tolerances' she uses as a relationship measuring cup. She pours in small doses of indecisiveness, feelings of being unappreciated and most ladies add even a very small dose of infidelity. All I'll say is, among my list of tolerances was a behavior that placed his desires above mine.

If a woman's 'list of tolerances' isn't written, then it's definitely in our 'mental' scrolls. Every woman has a list. She knows what she will put up with, how much of it she'll put up with and who she will put up with, the minute she decides to open herself up to a man. For over a year, I hid my need to be in a "serious" relationship instead of coming forth with what I desired. This man was pretty adamant about his desire to not be "tied down", so you can imagine my shock when the phone rang.

He needed me. He was enthralled in a cruel love game his ex was playing with him, and didn't know how to deal with it. She was being inconsiderate of his time. She pretended to want to spend time with him, then blew him off (but only when it was convenient for her of course). Granted, I don't agree with what she did or is doing, but it makes me realize how much crap I am no longer willing to tolerate! I'm almost 30 and though "age is but a number", I find that my new list of tolerances is no longer anorexic. There are just more things that I no longer have the energy to thumb through. I listened to him vent on the phone & all I felt was pity. Pity that he can't see how the repetitive patterns in his life are stunting his growth. Thankfully with every birthday, I find some sort of inner reflection and relationship reflection.

The phone call today reminded me of how far I've come in my old age (that's a joke). I'm thankful that I'm wrapping up my 20s in a healthy way, recognizing my needs and desires, and not feeling afraid to stand by them.