30 What? 30 Who??

I just read the latest entry of one of my closest friends, Katie and it made me stop & think for a moment.

Why is it such a big ordeal to turn 30?

Katie writes on her blog: "As I often convey to friends who are conversely approaching 30 with a sense of trepidation and foreboding: We must be grateful to be given the years of which others are denied so that the few they might have been granted were not lived in vain. I guess that's part of my own little guide to living life."

How inconsiderate of me to think that 30 is the "end all, be all." How insensitive have I been after having two friends pass in their 20s, to not be grateful & welcoming to the idea of approaching another decade. I'm actually slightly disgusted with myself for shuddering every time I thought about being 30 or snapping at my mother every time she rounds my age up to the next number.

I preach about appreciating life and enjoying every moment, yet I cringe when I think of living another year? Since when did I become so unappreciative, thoughtless & selfish?

One could argue that I've been through a rough 3 years financially, personally, & professionally (dance wise & career wise), but that's such a crutch and last I checked, I can walk just fine. When did I stop walking on my own & taking accountability for each of those steps? Yes, I'm approaching 30 and out of all of my childhood goals, I don't have my Masters Degree by now and that bothers me. And? So what?! I know why I don't have my Masters (some are valid reasons, some are flat out excuses) and that's all that matters! At the end of the day, I am accountable for the steps I made in my 20s and I should approach 30 with my head held high, instead of brushing my feet along the pavement, with a beveled neck, thinking about all the failures in my life. I've still accomplished a lot compared to others:

1. At 23, I bought a condo.

2. For 4 years, I danced for a brand new NBA franchise team during it's first 4 years of existence. That's historical.

3. As a 25yr old teacher, I was named the Department Head of all the Foreign Language classes at my school.

4. I was placed on a committee that was in charge of choosing & approving the new French textbooks to be used by ALL of Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools. I'm talking K-12grade people. We had to read & approve several publications and render decisions on what content(s) should be included. There were MAYBE 30 of us total in all of Charlotte on that committee representing several languages.

5. I began a French club at the middle school where I taught, and I believe it's still there today.

6. I was one of 3 to be nominated for the NBA's All-Star Dance Team. As far as I know, an All-Star Dance Team was never done before, so to have been nominated is also like being a part of history!

7. I choreographed a routine for a high school dance team that placed 1st, thank you very much.

And that's to name a few...

So what's my deal? What's the big deal?? Is it that I haven't met all my goals? Well, possibly but I need to start thinking positively and not focus on all the negative i.e the goals I haven't achieved -yet. Because one day I WILL achieve these goals, just on my own time frame.

And as for how "30" sounds compared to "29"? Well, like any new pair of shoes it'll take some getting used to but eventually, it'll be just as comfortable as any other pair.

Forgive & let go

I'm not the best when it comes to "forgive & forget," so when my mother says I should forgive & forget when a certain someone for totally being belligerently drunk at my company's function, I wasn't entirely too thrilled to hear that.

I thought about it & decided...I like how "forgive & let go" sounds versus the old "forgive & forget" saying we've all heard a million times. If I can let go of a situation, then I will forget momentarily, but to insinuate that forgiving & forgetting occurs instantaneously, well, that's just silly.

A lot happened instantaneously, yes. Within seconds, this someone was drunk, shouting & being violent towards me. Though it happened rather quickly, forgetting that night and moving on from it doesn't occur with light-speed unfortunately. I am trying. I really am trying to forget, especially since this sort of behavior is completely atypical of this person's character. Then again, people said the same thing about Ted Bundy.

So I am working on forgiving and letting go of that night (a night that happened to be February 14th) and not focus on the fact that I had a wonderful date that 5 hours later ended up being someone I didn't recognize. I really wish this "forgive and forget" expression came with a book of instructions of how to do so exactly!

Actually, I am terrified of how that night could have ended yet I'm still so shocked that I don't believe it even happened at all...... so I battle internally with how I can even forget it in the first place!

I know I'm speaking vaguely. I apologize.

Sigh... the decisions we make. It's interesting how these decisions become grander as we get older.

Approaching 30 really is no joke...